as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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