Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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