I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
