I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
