I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
