we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if only i could text you this smell
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
