I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
