but the lizard people decide everything anyway
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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