Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
