she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
