new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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