If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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