I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
