i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I smell stomach acid.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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