he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
