Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
