i'm signing you up for texting rehab
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
