All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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