mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
