can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize