Banned from zoo.
Again?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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