That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
