a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
