If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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