I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
