those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
