Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
