I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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