I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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