so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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