if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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