Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I deserve this hangover.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
