So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
