I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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