It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
