Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
