Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
