we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
