I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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