I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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