Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize