You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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