Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
