im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize