3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
