If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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