apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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