I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
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