why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
