Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
