Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
