What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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