Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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