Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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