my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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