Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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