Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
