420 ftw
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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