just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
