had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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