You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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