Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize