he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
