I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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