My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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