fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
a search helicopter?!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
