I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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