I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
